What it Really Means to be Content

This time of year always seems particularly overwhelming – kids start school again, work demands increase before the end of the year, and, in my culture, holiday season has begun. Add to that a pandemic that doesn’t end and you want to pull all your hair out. I’ve noticed that over the past several months the conversations that I’ve had with people always come back to the same topic: We are all struggling to do it all, to have it all and to be it all. ‘It all,’ means different things to different people but for me it means being on top of my parenting game, being successful and organized at work, effectively managing my home, making time for friends and family, and just maybe finding enough time to invest in a relationship. Is it realistic for me to do ‘it all?’ Maybe. But when will I feel like I’ve done enough?

It reminds me of a few years ago, when I volunteered at a soup kitchen with my kids. A tall, thin man with long dreadlocks and chocolaty skin walked in. He told me he kept a strict vegan diet and asked if there was anything he could eat. I scanned through the menu and offered him soup and bread. He thanked me, took the soup and sat down. I ran to the kitchen to check the ingredients in the menu items and found that the dessert was vegan too. I ran back to the dining room to bring some for him but when I asked if he wanted any chocolate mousse he simply responded, “I am content.”

I am content.

It was such a simple phrase but years later I still think about it. How many of us can really say we are content? Are we actually looking for contentment or are we constantly searching for more? What will it take to be satisfied with the life we have and the energy we give?

Santosha is the Sanskrit word for contentment. It is the second of the Niyamas of Patanjali's Eight Limbs of Yoga. The Niyamas are a set of rules to live by for a healthy, mindful, and spiritual life. They are intended to lead us towards a more positive relationship with ourselves, so we can ultimately form authentic and sustainable relationships with others. Santosha means accepting and appreciating what we have and what we are already. It means accepting that maybe all the dishes won’t get done tonight, and that’s okay. Accepting that you might never get that promotion or have the perfect relationship. It means recognizing that you already have everything you need.

Last month I spent 10 days traveling through Europe. One day I was roaming the streets of Lisbon for hours on my own, entering local shops, and eating gelato. The sun was out and the streets were full of people. I suddenly found myself at the edge of town, looking right at the sea. I sat down to rest my feet and felt an overwhelming sense of emotion come over me.

You see, I had planned to take a trip to Europe several years prior. At that time, from the outside, I must have looked like I had it all. I was married with 3 kids and I had just bought a big home in the suburbs so my kids could live closer to their private school. I was busy volunteering in the community and always entertained on the weekends. What people didn’t see was that my marriage was hanging by a thread and I wasn’t yet in tune with my body or my mind. I felt like every day I was walking on a tightrope, wondering when I was going to fall. I was upset when I found out that our trip to Europe was cancelled, not knowing how much life would change in the following years.

Almost five years later and surprisingly, sitting in Portugal alone, among strangers, during a pandemic, I felt like I was in the right place at the right time. I wasn’t wandering aimlessly. I wasn’t lost. I was mindful and present. I was exactly where I was supposed to be and I was enjoying the journey.

I realized that moment, sitting by the water, that I was enjoying my personal journey too. My life is not about constantly searching for more or eating the metaphorical chocolate mousse. It’s not even about having ‘it all.’ I don’t need to keep searching. I am content.

Are you taking the time to enjoy the journey? Can you find contentment in the life you already live? I love to hear from you! Please share your insights below.

Wishing you contentment today and every day,